Over-talking repels people because of our motivation to over-talk. We talk too much
when we are seeking attention or acceptance, trying to be cool, trying to impress, and
desiring praise.
Subconsciously, we are trying to gain energy from other people. This is why it is so
tempting to over-talk…and why others avoid us when we do. Visualize James Bond
Agent 007, for a moment. Can you imagine him over-talking?
Here are some classic examples of over-talking:
Preening your ego:
“I don’t know if I can make the meeting. I've been asked to evaluate the National
Volleyball team, so I’m going to be busy in October.”
“They are restructuring the company and I’m qualified for so many positions
they don’t know what to do with me.”
“I already maxed out on my bonus for the year and it’s only January.”
Talking to entertain yourself (and boring others):
“I had a salad for lunch today…”
“Last night I dreamed…”
“I learned something fascinating about my palm pilot today…”
Talking down to people by implying you have superior experiences, knowledge,
wealth, or skills. This is trying to make others feel inferior:
“You play ringette? I’m on the National team.”
“Have you seen my new Lexus convertible?”
“You just got back from Vegas? I've been there many times.”
“You work for Shell? I know the President.”
Complaining, gossiping, and talking endlessly about how you’ve been
victimized, and being overly dramatic:
“I can’t believe he didn’t talk to me. What a jerk!”
“After everything I've done for her, she didn’t even send me a birthday gift.”
“She asked me not to smoke in her house! The nerve of her! She smoked for 10
years!”
If you want to attract people to you, you need to CONTROL your need to talk…and
quality of your conversation. Do not underestimate how important this can be and
assume that because you were married, you were immune to annoying your spouse. If
you had the habit of getting in the circle from over-talking, chances are your ex needed
frequent “distance” from you—which may have upset you, causing you to overpursue…
beginning the pursuit cycle anew. When a couple becomes polarized in this
way, it is easy for romance to die out.
when we are seeking attention or acceptance, trying to be cool, trying to impress, and
desiring praise.
Subconsciously, we are trying to gain energy from other people. This is why it is so
tempting to over-talk…and why others avoid us when we do. Visualize James Bond
Agent 007, for a moment. Can you imagine him over-talking?
Here are some classic examples of over-talking:
Preening your ego:
“I don’t know if I can make the meeting. I've been asked to evaluate the National
Volleyball team, so I’m going to be busy in October.”
“They are restructuring the company and I’m qualified for so many positions
they don’t know what to do with me.”
“I already maxed out on my bonus for the year and it’s only January.”
Talking to entertain yourself (and boring others):
“I had a salad for lunch today…”
“Last night I dreamed…”
“I learned something fascinating about my palm pilot today…”
Talking down to people by implying you have superior experiences, knowledge,
wealth, or skills. This is trying to make others feel inferior:
“You play ringette? I’m on the National team.”
“Have you seen my new Lexus convertible?”
“You just got back from Vegas? I've been there many times.”
“You work for Shell? I know the President.”
Complaining, gossiping, and talking endlessly about how you’ve been
victimized, and being overly dramatic:
“I can’t believe he didn’t talk to me. What a jerk!”
“After everything I've done for her, she didn’t even send me a birthday gift.”
“She asked me not to smoke in her house! The nerve of her! She smoked for 10
years!”
If you want to attract people to you, you need to CONTROL your need to talk…and
quality of your conversation. Do not underestimate how important this can be and
assume that because you were married, you were immune to annoying your spouse. If
you had the habit of getting in the circle from over-talking, chances are your ex needed
frequent “distance” from you—which may have upset you, causing you to overpursue…
beginning the pursuit cycle anew. When a couple becomes polarized in this
way, it is easy for romance to die out.