To stop romantic rejection, your very first job is to discover which of these 4 mistakes
factors led to the end of the relationship.
If you’ve been pressuring your ex to get back together, stop doing this immediately. This
person will not genuinely consider what you have to say unless you correct the mistakes
you were making.
Assuming you’ve already separated (and your lawyer is OK with you dating), you invoke
the Stop Your Divorce formula. Call your ex and say, "I've been pressuring you to get back
together, and I realize that this is making you uncomfortable because it's not what you
want. Although I'd prefer to stay married to you, I can see you're not happy. So, I've
decided to accept your decision and start dating. But I don't want to make the same
mistakes I did with you, so I have a couple of questions I hoped you'd answer."
Then, read her the 4 items on this list. Ask her which ones apply to your marriage.
Listen to her and take excellent notes. Resist the temptation to defend yourself (it could
be overwhelming) or hurt back if she says something painful.
Instead, ask her for examples of what she is talking about. For instance, if she says that
you were selfish and never listened to her, say, “Exactly which areas was I selfish? Can
you give me some examples?”
Thank her for sharing her thoughts, and hang up.
After this conversation, you will be in a much better position. You will have
accomplished 3 main things:
You will have taken the pressure off her, making her more relaxed around you.
You have also shown confidence by backing off.
You will finally have an opportunity to fix the relationship mistakes.
You'll be far less confused about why she (or he) left. This is a major part of the
pain of a divorce: not knowing exactly what happened to turn the other person
off.
Of course, if it was a brief romantic relationship, or you already know the mistakes you
were making simply from reading the list, you don’t need to have this conversation.
Your second job is to do a fearless inventory about the circle. Let’s do this right now. Go
through the list of behaviors (over-pursuing, over-talking, acting controlling) and write
down what you did in the relationship that might have put you in the circle.
factors led to the end of the relationship.
If you’ve been pressuring your ex to get back together, stop doing this immediately. This
person will not genuinely consider what you have to say unless you correct the mistakes
you were making.
Assuming you’ve already separated (and your lawyer is OK with you dating), you invoke
the Stop Your Divorce formula. Call your ex and say, "I've been pressuring you to get back
together, and I realize that this is making you uncomfortable because it's not what you
want. Although I'd prefer to stay married to you, I can see you're not happy. So, I've
decided to accept your decision and start dating. But I don't want to make the same
mistakes I did with you, so I have a couple of questions I hoped you'd answer."
Then, read her the 4 items on this list. Ask her which ones apply to your marriage.
Listen to her and take excellent notes. Resist the temptation to defend yourself (it could
be overwhelming) or hurt back if she says something painful.
Instead, ask her for examples of what she is talking about. For instance, if she says that
you were selfish and never listened to her, say, “Exactly which areas was I selfish? Can
you give me some examples?”
Thank her for sharing her thoughts, and hang up.
After this conversation, you will be in a much better position. You will have
accomplished 3 main things:
You will have taken the pressure off her, making her more relaxed around you.
You have also shown confidence by backing off.
You will finally have an opportunity to fix the relationship mistakes.
You'll be far less confused about why she (or he) left. This is a major part of the
pain of a divorce: not knowing exactly what happened to turn the other person
off.
Of course, if it was a brief romantic relationship, or you already know the mistakes you
were making simply from reading the list, you don’t need to have this conversation.
Your second job is to do a fearless inventory about the circle. Let’s do this right now. Go
through the list of behaviors (over-pursuing, over-talking, acting controlling) and write
down what you did in the relationship that might have put you in the circle.