Unconsciously, we act entitled to their love, support, time, empathy, listening, respect,
money...the list is long. We pressure them constantly and don't even realize it, because
we believe we are entitled to these things.
A Personal Example
For most of my adult life, I treated my big sister like a surrogate parent. After our
parents' divorce, I assumed it was her job to take care of me.
When my Mom suggested I move out, I moved into my sister's place. When my
relationships broke up, I showed up on her doorstep. When I was a starving student, I
let her pay for my holidays.
It never dawned on me that she was only 18 months older than me and might not want
an instant daughter. Not surprisingly, she got tired of being responsible for me, and
started to complain. But, I felt too victimized by my parents' divorce to listen. Plus, I
reasoned, I did a lot for her, too. Why couldn't she see that?
Sigh. Entitlement is a tough thing to recognize in ourselves. To let go of this
person, and all the things we feel entitled to, we must face our deepest fears.
44
Take out a blank sheet of paper. Write the name of a person you have felt rejected by at
the top. Then, in the space below, list five things you have demanded from this person
in your life, both consciously and unconsciously.
Now take a few moments and study your list. Say good-bye to them, and let yourself
have your fear and sadness.
3. Nurture your heart
Here is an exercise in nurturing your heart of the overwhelming fear and sadness you
will face daily while trying to stop your romantic rejection. This is necessary because you
will frequently face the fear of rejection as you go through the process.
Mastering the fear of rejection means that you learn how to heal your heart. When
you’re hurt, your impulse will be to defend against your hurt through blaming,
becoming hostile, and pretending that you do not care about your ex.
These mental positions will keep your hurt locked inside you, because by the time an
emotion shows up in your body, it is energetic experience; therefore, it is useless to
resist it.
money...the list is long. We pressure them constantly and don't even realize it, because
we believe we are entitled to these things.
A Personal Example
For most of my adult life, I treated my big sister like a surrogate parent. After our
parents' divorce, I assumed it was her job to take care of me.
When my Mom suggested I move out, I moved into my sister's place. When my
relationships broke up, I showed up on her doorstep. When I was a starving student, I
let her pay for my holidays.
It never dawned on me that she was only 18 months older than me and might not want
an instant daughter. Not surprisingly, she got tired of being responsible for me, and
started to complain. But, I felt too victimized by my parents' divorce to listen. Plus, I
reasoned, I did a lot for her, too. Why couldn't she see that?
Sigh. Entitlement is a tough thing to recognize in ourselves. To let go of this
person, and all the things we feel entitled to, we must face our deepest fears.
44
Take out a blank sheet of paper. Write the name of a person you have felt rejected by at
the top. Then, in the space below, list five things you have demanded from this person
in your life, both consciously and unconsciously.
Now take a few moments and study your list. Say good-bye to them, and let yourself
have your fear and sadness.
3. Nurture your heart
Here is an exercise in nurturing your heart of the overwhelming fear and sadness you
will face daily while trying to stop your romantic rejection. This is necessary because you
will frequently face the fear of rejection as you go through the process.
Mastering the fear of rejection means that you learn how to heal your heart. When
you’re hurt, your impulse will be to defend against your hurt through blaming,
becoming hostile, and pretending that you do not care about your ex.
These mental positions will keep your hurt locked inside you, because by the time an
emotion shows up in your body, it is energetic experience; therefore, it is useless to
resist it.