Here are four strategies you can use to get outside the circle and re-trigger romantic
attraction in your ex.
1. Learn to Ooze Charisma (instead of psychological leaning).
Here are five foolproof topics what you can talk about to stay outside the circle and once
again by charismatic to your lover or spouse:
1. Pop culture icons and celebrities
2. Movies, drama, humour, scandal
3. Renaissance topics such as art, dance, culture, current music trends
4. History or interesting trivia.
5. The other person. When you ask questions and listen, you are nurturing others
by giving them air time. However, it is still a win-win conversation because you
are getting to pick the topic; pick something you are interested in so you do not
feel drained by the other person.
Examples:
“I hear the oil and gas industry is very demanding at the moment. What are you working
on right now?”
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“Your sister told me you love Star Wars. How come?”
“I heard you went back to school this year. What are you taking?
When others are talking, there are three ways to keep the conversation stimulating.
1. Keep asking questions to go “deeper” into the topic.
Her: “I’m in law school. My favourite class is constitutional law.”
You: “What is that?
2. Interject humour without taking over the conversation.
Example:
Him: “This airport is really far away from the city. It was obviously built in the
days when airports were constructed 50 miles outside the city limit.”
You: “Yes, it can make the drive long…my Dad’s driving us, though and he’s the
master of the short cut. He’ll take any route just to cut 22 seconds off the
drive…so it won’t be pure torture.”
3. Interject empathy and support into the conversation.
Her: “I got a distressing customer complaint today. He didn’t understand the
work our firm did at all and posted a letter on his website that is damaging our
reputation.”
You: “That’s terrible, especially when you worked so hard and did such a
thorough job. I honestly don’t know how you deal with customers as well as you
do. You’re so mature in how you handle them.”
Genuinely supporting other people in conversation is magic. This is how many
therapists make a living. If you stick to these topics and modes of conversation, it is
unlikely you will lean psychologically on your ex in conversation.
2. Date others.
You don't have to be intimate with anyone; casual dating is fine. The internet or even
speed dating are quick ways to meet possible dates who are fun (make sure you are
being safe).
The purpose of dating others is to develop an abundance mentality – the feeling that
you are a cute chick or guy with lots of possibilities. By dating others, you start to feel in
your heart that you have many, many, options—instead of at the mercy of someone
who can't decide if he wants you. You also demonstrate self-assertiveness—that your
needs matter, and you’re going to take care of them. This is attractive.
Make sure she knows you’re dating. Here’s how to say it: when there is a natural
opportunity to bring it up, say, “I’ve met someone I like and I’m happy about it.” Use
exactly those words.