For example:
“You’re eating M & M’s like they’re peanuts! I was reading an article the other
day and I think you should start making your own juice. It’s the best way to get
sugar in a healthy way.”
“Your office is not arranged very efficiently. You should get rid of the two filing
cabinets and move a chair in that space.”
“You need to start saying No to your mother. It’s making you resentful to look
after her all the time.”
“We’re all going to play cards after dinner.”
“Please tell me you’re not going to wear a veil at your wedding. Veils are so
outdated and patriarchal.”
No matter how attractive, intelligent, or nice you are, if you over-pursue, over-talk, or
act controlling, you will get in the circle of the people around you, making them want to
‘vote you off the island.’
Here’s why:
Psychological leaning has its roots in unmet needs. What’s happening is that you want
love and compliance so much from this person that you’re ignoring his or her need for
emotional space, respect, and autonomy. As Wilde explains:
When you lean psychologically or emotionally on people or towards them, it
makes others feel uncomfortable.
They resent the weight you are laying on them, and they will react by denying