If you were rejected because you were overly dominant in the relationship, establish a
genuine friendship with your ex in which you are more generous.
By having a friendship with her instead of the romantic connection you want, you
immediately show that you can handle not getting your way. Agree with her that you
were selfish and that she was right to leave you for it. Within your friendship, learn to
be generous – how to put her needs before yours out of love. Here are some guidelines:
Offer to try choices that appeal to her, including restaurants, movies, sports, and
TV programs. See if you can learn to like them too.
In conversation, solicit her opinions; listen more and talk less; become more
agreeable and less defensive.
Offer to do more than your fair share of child care, family duties, and or
miscellaneous stuff that comes up between friends, e.g., reservations. The key
to creating joyful, sustainable relationships is to create equality in them. You
avoid mistake #2 by abandoning your overly dominant nature and learning the
joy of giving.
The more difficult these suggestions are for you to implement, the more urgent
it is that you do them immediately.
35
The Joy of Giving
The easiest way to become more giving is to realize how much joy there is in it. If
you’ve ever watched someone you love open a gift on Christmas morning, you know the
joy I’m talking about. The same principle applies in relationships. When you place
another person’s wants and needs before your own, you feel an extraordinary rush of
joy, well-being, and self-esteem.
Most people think of themselves as giving, but what they don’t realize is that
they are giving on their terms—when and how they want to give.
Love is acceptance, but it is also the ability to put another person’s needs ahead
of your own. This is why parenting is such a profound growth experience: you finally
understand that giving is pleasurable for its own sake.
genuine friendship with your ex in which you are more generous.
By having a friendship with her instead of the romantic connection you want, you
immediately show that you can handle not getting your way. Agree with her that you
were selfish and that she was right to leave you for it. Within your friendship, learn to
be generous – how to put her needs before yours out of love. Here are some guidelines:
Offer to try choices that appeal to her, including restaurants, movies, sports, and
TV programs. See if you can learn to like them too.
In conversation, solicit her opinions; listen more and talk less; become more
agreeable and less defensive.
Offer to do more than your fair share of child care, family duties, and or
miscellaneous stuff that comes up between friends, e.g., reservations. The key
to creating joyful, sustainable relationships is to create equality in them. You
avoid mistake #2 by abandoning your overly dominant nature and learning the
joy of giving.
The more difficult these suggestions are for you to implement, the more urgent
it is that you do them immediately.
35
The Joy of Giving
The easiest way to become more giving is to realize how much joy there is in it. If
you’ve ever watched someone you love open a gift on Christmas morning, you know the
joy I’m talking about. The same principle applies in relationships. When you place
another person’s wants and needs before your own, you feel an extraordinary rush of
joy, well-being, and self-esteem.
Most people think of themselves as giving, but what they don’t realize is that
they are giving on their terms—when and how they want to give.
Love is acceptance, but it is also the ability to put another person’s needs ahead
of your own. This is why parenting is such a profound growth experience: you finally
understand that giving is pleasurable for its own sake.