If you were rejected because you got caught up in the “revenge impulse” and hurt your
partner through criticism, insults, withdrawing affection, or refusing little courtesies
and kindnesses, you will need to repair the trust between you.
Here’s the key: stop hurting her back when you are hurt. Instead, try to understand
what she is communicating when she “hurts” you. For example, if she hurts you by
complaining that you watched sports too much, you can listen for the request
underneath the complaint and strive to give her what she wants (more quality time).
After that, learn how to heal yourself when you are offended, hurt, or feel rejected
INSTEAD of hurting her back. One of the primary ways of correcting the revenge
impulse is forgiveness.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean believing it is Ok you were hurt, or that your ex can or
should always be trusted. Forgiveness is accepting that the person made a mistake,
accepting that he acted unconsciously, and taking appropriate measures to make sure
that together it doesn't happen again...which implies change on both your parts.