2. Pursuit is a way of dominating the person you are pursuing. When someone tells
you through his actions that he’s not in the mood to connect with you or do it
your way, and you ignore him (and pursue or complain about him), what you are
saying to him is, “My need for connection and to get my way is more important
than your need for space and freedom.”
This is an extremely dominant move which will quickly alienate the person you are
trying to gain approval or love from. Infuriated by your selfishness, he’ll withdraw from
or reject you.
3. Human beings want to pursue, not just be pursued, especially when it comes to
romance. It is the longing for someone that creates romantic and sexual
attraction. We prize people, jobs, and money more when we must work hard and
sacrifice to get them. I call this the “Brad Pitt” phenomenon. Celebrities become
famous for their looks and talent, but what keeps their desirability high is their
inaccessibility. When you over-pursue, you rob people of the opportunity to
pursue you--and prize--you.
Relationship Mistakes #2 and #3
Inappropriate Dominance or Passivity
To understand relationship mistakes 2 and 3, you need to grasp the concept of
self-assertiveness. Self-assertiveness is the ability to express your wants and needs